Sunday, July 29, 2012


We are too small in comparison to the whole world
So it is no wonder one person cannot change the world
but one person can change another person´s world
and thats what we must do.
Not just change, but help a human being they
in turn help others. And like a "disease" this will spread
and insted of bad, GOOD will spread!!!

There is always hope

Seasons come and go
We are forever changing
I´m not always hopeful
I´m not always sure
Most times when feeling that way I seek isolation
No tears, thoughts, feelings come, because
Sometimes I definitely lose faith
Fortunately I have friends to make me see
How truly blessed I am
That the past does not define your future
That there is hope even when you cant see it
That there is beauty inspite the chaos
That there is hope for humanity
That every rose has its torn
That in the end, if you do your best, be your best
It was definitely worth the ride.

Just like seasons, people come and go from your life.
Some came for a specific purpose, when that purpose is fulfilled they leave.
I make "friends" easily, it has always been that way for me. But those who
stay in my life are few, probably because I´m not an easy person to get along..
I have many flaws, and qualities as well; Im honest to a fault, if you need me Im there
no matter what. I love unconditionally, I wasnt put here on earth to judge anyone, I´m not
an example to live by, but most importantly I dont think anyone has the right to judge
another human live, you make mistakes, you learn..sometimes it takes you time to learn, but nevertheless at some point you do. One thing I do know for sure, you need people in your life, you need friends to help you see the light when you no longer can, and you need to do the same when life is so oblique to your friend/s. In this life, in this world we NEED one another. Don´t be perfect, because that is unrealistic; but be the person, the human being you want others to be for your sake and others. 
See the beauty in the chaos,  the world is not black and white..there will be happiness, there will be
sorrow, there will be success, there will be failure; it is all about how you see  things, that matters! 
So see the beauty!!!!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

When did life become so complicated?
When did things begin to fall apart?
When did we start to resent things that happend to us? unjust things we had no control of?
When did our dreams and hopes die?
When did making a decision become so fearsome?
When did fear become such a powerful thing?
When did we begin to wonder what if?

The answer to that is quite simple really, as to the why...well who am I to say.
The answer is: "adulthood"

Talking to a friend I realized that when I was younger I had no "what ifs" floting in my head.
I was fearless, anything was possible! Everything I ever wanted or dreamed of could happen.
Sure I had  problems in my childhood, my mom (whom i adore) did marry 3 of my stepfathers did cross his boundary with me as did another elderly supermarked owner I trusted and looked up to...but none of these things were my fault..none, were of my chosing. Growing up without my father present was also not my choice. But when I was younger it seemed like all of that could be I could overcome all of that, most times I think I did. Makes me wonder though, if circumstances were different,  would I have made different choices?...and those are just the tip of the iceberg. When did I get sidetracked, and most importantly why did i get sidetracked?! Tough I know none of these things are to blame for the choices I made...but its always easier to blame something/someone for the screw-ups in our lives: the truth is once we are able to make decisions we have no one to blame but ourselves if things don´t go according to "plan."

I´ll leave u with this:

                                                                 "Devils & Dust"

I got my finger on the trigger
But I don't know who to trust
When I look into your eyes
There's just devils and dust
We're a long, long way from home, Bobbie
Home's a long, long way from us
I feel a dirty wind blowing
Devils and dust

I got God on my side
And I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
And fill it with devils and dust

Well I dreamed of you last night
In a field of blood and stone
The blood began to dry
The smell began to rise
Well I dreamed of you last night, Bobbie
In a field of mud and bone
Your blood began to dry
And the smell began to rise

We've got God on our side
We're just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It'll turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust

[Harmonica solo]

Now every woman and every man
They wanna take a righteous stand
Find the love that God wills
And the faith that He commands
I've got my finger on the trigger
And tonight faith just ain't enough
When I look inside my heart
There's just devils and dust

Well I've got God on my side
And I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a dangerous thing
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust
Yeah it'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I can see clearly now

I´ve been blinded

I´ve been deceived

I´ve been delusional

I´ve believed in you

Now I know I must have been out of my mind

I see the truth now

I can see the real you

Gone over in my head
All the things left unsaid
If at least you´ve given me an explanation

The courtesy of a goodbye

You´ve made me jaded

You´ve made me a cynic

You´ve made me bitter

I can see the truth behind the lies now

I see the err of my ways now

A little too late, isn´t that always the case

I believed all your promises

I believed all your declarations

I believed in all your lies

I can see the coward hiding behind the "man"

One thing I will promise

I will never allow myself to be played again

I will never allow my feelings to be toyed with

Ever again

I guess I have you to thank

Thank you for allowing me to see the truth

In midst of all the chaos

I stand here alone

Stronger in the aftermath

Piecing together the shards of a broken soul.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

How would you feel?

How would you feel?
If someone close to you said:
You look old
Your marriage was a mistake, I did not give you my blessing.
Your a failure
What are you doing with your life?
There is something wrong with you.

Well all those things were said to me in a very nice way, mind you. Yes my mother was very nice
while saying all these her head she was doing me a favor...go figure. I understand where she is coming from, my life is not what i had imagined it would be when i was younger. I dont regret it...because if i did i would then regret the birth of my sons; and I DONT...I cant picture my life without them in it. I love them with all my heart, if nothing else at least i got two things right in my life and thats my babies! This last week has been very hard on me, one of the reasons you already know.. I guess what she said made me rethink lots of things... Im so lost right now, and all my friends are too busy for i am surrounded by people and i feel soo DAMN alone! but the people that matter are nowhere to be found! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Playing with words

I wrote this the other day...
Standing under the stars
with arms open wide,
I close my eyes
And feel the warmth of your embrace
I also wrote...
When you feel a gentle wind kissing your body
It is my love kissing you in silence...
Now I´ve decided to combine both and change it a lil bit, see how you like it =)

 Standing under the stars with arms open wide,
I close my eyes
Feel the wind touch my body
And in that moment I know
It is your love kissing me in silence

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Random thoughts of a very weird mind...

Ever wonder how you will be remembered? When people die it is in our nature to only remember the good things that person did, their traits not their flaws... When I go I want people to remember who I really was, good and bad. I do not want anyone to mourn my loss but to rejoice in the life I lived....flaws and all.

Different subject...

"I say what I mean and mean what I say" I guess you could say this is my best friend´s motto, and she really stands by this! I admire her and envy her, I envy how sure she is of herself how sure she is of what she wants. I on the other hand am completely different, not because i dont mean what I say...when I say it, in that moment it really is what I mean, but most times I don´t understand my feelings and I guess it all comes down to being afraid of my feelings, of facing the consequences that my decisions would bring. Its funny because a few years ago I was fearless, I confronted all my problems and decisions I had to make head on. What changed? I don´t know...I wish I could figure it out and have the courage to change. Maybe one day soon....

Another change of subject...

I love the smell of the rain
I love the snow
I love the sound of the train
I love the night sky
I love the beach, especially at night
I love the color red

Wow this has been a weird
well it suits the author ;)

Happy reading
Happy writing!