When did things begin to fall apart?
When did we start to resent things that happend to us? unjust things we had no control of?
When did our dreams and hopes die?
When did making a decision become so fearsome?
When did fear become such a powerful thing?
When did we begin to wonder what if?
The answer to that is quite simple really, as to the why...well who am I to say.
The answer is: "adulthood"
Talking to a friend I realized that when I was younger I had no "what ifs" floting in my head.
I was fearless, anything was possible! Everything I ever wanted or dreamed of could happen.
Sure I had problems in my childhood, my mom (whom i adore) did marry 3 times..one of my stepfathers did cross his boundary with me as did another elderly supermarked owner I trusted and looked up to...but none of these things were my fault..none, were of my chosing. Growing up without my father present was also not my choice. But when I was younger it seemed like all of that could be fixed..like I could overcome all of that, most times I think I did. Makes me wonder though, if circumstances were different, would I have made different choices?...and those are just the tip of the iceberg. When did I get sidetracked, and most importantly why did i get sidetracked?! Tough I know none of these things are to blame for the choices I made...but its always easier to blame something/someone for the screw-ups in our lives: the truth is once we are able to make decisions we have no one to blame but ourselves if things don´t go according to "plan."
I´ll leave u with this:
"Devils & Dust"