This is my blog, the space i use to express myself; self that is very much odd, random, goofy and weird! Don´t we all have a missing fuse? I sure do ;)So welcome to my amazingly odd world :) While on the ride all u can do is ENJOY !
We are too small in comparison to the whole world So it is no wonder one person cannot change the world but one person can change another person´s world and thats what we must do. Not just change, but help a human being ..so they
in turn help others. And like a "disease" this will spread and insted of bad, GOOD will spread!!! __ME
Seasons come and go We are forever changing I´m not always hopeful I´m not always sure Most times when feeling that way I seek isolation No tears, thoughts, feelings come, because Sometimes I definitely lose faith Fortunately I have friends to make me see How truly blessed I am That the past does not define your future That there is hope even when you cant see it That there is beauty inspite the chaos That there is hope for humanity That every rose has its torn That in the end, if you do your best, be your best It was definitely worth the ride. __ME
Just like seasons, people come and go from your life. Some came for a specific purpose, when that purpose is fulfilled they leave. I make "friends" easily, it has always been that way for me. But those who stay in my life are few, probably because I´m not an easy person to get along.. I have many flaws, and qualities as well; Im honest to a fault, if you need me Im there no matter what. I love unconditionally, I wasnt put here on earth to judge anyone, I´m not an example to live by, but most importantly I dont think anyone has the right to judge another human being...you live, you make mistakes, you learn..sometimes it takes you time to learn, but nevertheless at some point you do. One thing I do know for sure, you need people in your life, you need friends to help you see the light when you no longer can, and you need to do the same when life is so oblique to your friend/s. In this life, in this world we NEED one another. Don´t be perfect, because that is unrealistic; but be the person, the human being you want others to be for your sake and others. See the beauty in the chaos, the world is not black and white..there will be happiness, there will be sorrow, there will be success, there will be failure; it is all about how you see things, that matters! So see the beauty!!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
When did life become so complicated?
When did things begin to fall apart?
When did we start to resent things that happend to us? unjust things we had no control of?
When did our dreams and hopes die?
When did making a decision become so fearsome?
When did fear become such a powerful thing?
When did we begin to wonder what if?
The answer to that is quite simple really, as to the why...well who am I to say.
The answer is: "adulthood"
Talking to a friend I realized that when I was younger I had no "what ifs" floting in my head.
I was fearless, anything was possible! Everything I ever wanted or dreamed of could happen.
Sure I had problems in my childhood, my mom (whom i adore) did marry 3 times..one of my stepfathers did cross his boundary with me as did another elderly supermarked owner I trusted and looked up to...but none of these things were my fault..none, were of my chosing. Growing up without my father present was also not my choice. But when I was younger it seemed like all of that could be fixed..like I could overcome all of that, most times I think I did. Makes me wonder though, if circumstances were different, would I have made different choices?...and those are just the tip of the iceberg. When did I get sidetracked, and most importantly why did i get sidetracked?! Tough I know none of these things are to blame for the choices I made...but its always easier to blame something/someone for the screw-ups in our lives: the truth is once we are able to make decisions we have no one to blame but ourselves if things don´t go according to "plan."
I´ll leave u with this:
"Devils & Dust"
I got my finger on the trigger But I don't know who to trust When I look into your eyes There's just devils and dust We're a long, long way from home, Bobbie Home's a long, long way from us I feel a dirty wind blowing Devils and dust
I got God on my side And I'm just trying to survive What if what you do to survive Kills the things you love Fear's a powerful thing, baby It can turn your heart black you can trust It'll take your God filled soul And fill it with devils and dust
Well I dreamed of you last night In a field of blood and stone The blood began to dry The smell began to rise Well I dreamed of you last night, Bobbie In a field of mud and bone Your blood began to dry And the smell began to rise
We've got God on our side We're just trying to survive What if what you do to survive Kills the things you love Fear's a powerful thing, baby It'll turn your heart black you can trust It'll take your God filled soul Fill it with devils and dust It'll take your God filled soul Fill it with devils and dust
[Harmonica solo]
Now every woman and every man They wanna take a righteous stand Find the love that God wills And the faith that He commands I've got my finger on the trigger And tonight faith just ain't enough When I look inside my heart There's just devils and dust
Well I've got God on my side And I'm just trying to survive What if what you do to survive Kills the things you love Fear's a dangerous thing It can turn your heart black you can trust It'll take your God filled soul Fill it with devils and dust Yeah it'll take your God filled soul Fill it with devils and dust
How would you feel?
If someone close to you said:
You look old
Your marriage was a mistake, I did not give you my blessing.
Your a failure
What are you doing with your life?
There is something wrong with you.
Well all those things were said to me in a very nice way, mind you. Yes my mother was very nice
while saying all these things...in her head she was doing me a favor...go figure. I understand where she is coming from, my life is not what i had imagined it would be when i was younger. I dont regret it...because if i did i would then regret the birth of my sons; and I DONT...I cant picture my life without them in it. I love them with all my heart, if nothing else at least i got two things right in my life and thats my babies! This last week has been very hard on me, one of the reasons you already know.. I guess what she said made me rethink lots of things... Im so lost right now, and all my friends are too busy for me....here i am surrounded by people and i feel soo DAMN alone! but the people that matter are nowhere to be found! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Standing under the stars
with arms open wide,
I close my eyes
And feel the warmth of your embrace
I also wrote...
When you feel a gentle wind kissing your body It is my love kissing you in silence...
Now I´ve decided to combine both and change it a lil bit, see how you like it =)
Standing under the stars with arms open wide,
I close my eyes
Feel the wind touch my body
And in that moment I know
It is your love kissing me in silence
Ever wonder how you will be remembered? When people die it is in our nature to only remember the good things that person did, their traits not their flaws... When I go I want people to remember who I really was, good and bad. I do not want anyone to mourn my loss but to rejoice in the life I lived....flaws and all.
Different subject...
"I say what I mean and mean what I say" I guess you could say this is my best friend´s motto, and she really stands by this! I admire her and envy her, I envy how sure she is of herself how sure she is of what she wants. I on the other hand am completely different, not because i dont mean what I say...when I say it, in that moment it really is what I mean, but most times I don´t understand my feelings and I guess it all comes down to being afraid of my feelings, of facing the consequences that my decisions would bring. Its funny because a few years ago I was fearless, I confronted all my problems and decisions I had to make head on. What changed? I don´t know...I wish I could figure it out and have the courage to change. Maybe one day soon....
Another change of subject...
I love the smell of the rain
I love the snow
I love the sound of the train
I love the night sky
I love the beach, especially at night
I love the color red
Wow this has been a weird post..lol
well it suits the author ;)
For those I love there is no limits to what I would do for them... I treasure each and every person in my life, they are a gift from God in my life. I´m 26 yrs old and even after all I´ve seen and been through I still have the hope of a happily ever after, naive huh?! yea i think so too. Even if it doesn´t happen, its is my hope that somewhere... to some it does happen. A friend of mine who recently died (at 33 of a heart attack) always said that we were here to better ourselves, so that next time we could do things differently, be better people. I would love to believe that we get a second chance; unfortunately i don't believe in reincarnation, however i do believe we are here for a purpose and why not to better ourselves? Everyday we learn something, everyday we make mistakes, the thing is we must forgive and move on. Never forgetting how we got to be where we are and who we are, most importantly never forget who we want to be.
I for one..
Want to be someone that lives with no regrets
Loves with no limits
Gives with no expectations
Does what needs to be done with courage
Faces everyday with a simile on my face
Takes no moment for granted....
I will not rhyme,
I will not whine,
I will simply write..
Okay so now I´ll shall begin
And I´ll do it with my weekend
It has been wild/fun to say the least
I had the chance to get to know three awesome people this weekend
One of them being my friend ( and ill just come out and say it..my awesome friend´s father-in-law)
And two German guys =) Nick and Michael!!!! Although i tried to learn some German I´m afraid I have
failed BADLY!!! hey KUDOS FOR TRYING!! Anyways Hey NICK AND MICHAEL! I had
fun getting to know you both and a little bit of your culture this weekend...ALL the mime and trying to talk in two different languages included!!! AWESOME!! IF you guys ever come back you MUST come visit!!! It has been a great weekend! So many emotions in play... ALL i gots to say is I´m lucky! I have beautiful people in my life! I´ll end it with this:
Do NOT ever settle for less, I wrote this ages ago...have posted this months ago but IT has
REMAINED true...
I REFUSE TO LOVE
IF LOVE IS NOT WHAT I DREAM OF..
I WOULD RATHER
LOVE MY DREAMS OF LOVE
THAN LIVE TO HATE
WHAT I LOVE MOST
So I´ve been wondering, for no particular reason..i guess. You know how some people are just at the right place at the right time? How they manage to turn a small idea into a fortune? Or maybe even their action?Unlike others who work just as hard (if not harder) and never get anywhere... Maybe love works the same way, maybe some are destined to be with the person their were meant for...and some just keep searching or settle for what they can/did get. I mean who knows why life has such an ironic sense of humor, even cruel at times?! Do we accept this and move on and just play the cards we were dealt? Or we go to the mattresses?! In other words we fight until we get it right?!
Where are you when I need you the most?
There are things that needs to be said
Things I need to get off my chest.
You are my one and only, even though
I am not yours...
Sad as this might be, I cannot let it go
You have made my heart prisoner of
my everlasting love.
Everything happens for a reason and
Even though I met you too late, I cant regret it
For I would have never met you otherwise
My only regret is not having the courage
To tell you how I felt, better yet how I feel
And will always feel.....
A new year has begun,
Though I have not made any resolutions
I have decided to not worry about yesterday
Not overthink what tomorrow might bring
Only enjoy every moment of my present day... Realizing that today is a gift, one we must not take for granted
And to be able to live the present with those we love most is
Simply wonderful!
"Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course?
Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off ...as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running!! Make the most of today.
To realise the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realise the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realise the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train.
To realise the value of ONE SECOND, ask someone who just avoided an accident.
To realise the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal at the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present. "
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Yes, I have been MIA, I was supposed to move to another state.. I packed my whole house, all for nothing... The apartment we were supposed to move in didnt work out in the end. Now I have a packed house which i have to unpack...sadly! Gelson ( husband) will go without us now to work and we will stay till we are able to rent another apartment. Gosh Im sick of all this moving around! The uncertainty is killing me, Im beat, Im tired, Im giving up... Im desperate all i want, all i want is peace of mind....of spirit. Im broken and cannot be fixed. If only I knew where the roads I taken would lead me to when I was younger, fuck yea I would have changed paths!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Lost in you
Lost in me
For all the words spoken
For every untaken action
The fate we chose, will remain
Should we just accept the consequences
With no thought of change?
"A funny girl, really smart, and usually doesn´t act her age (wether it be acting older or younger.) Jennifer´s have amazing eyes, and love to laugh and smile. They generally enjoy the finer things in life. They have trouble showing their feelings, and take sometime to warm up to new people. They don´t trust easily, but that shouldn´t stop you from trusting them, they are very trustworthy. They need someone who will listen to them and give their honest opinion. Jennifer´s are very blunt, and speak their mins often. They are caring and usually very sexy. They know how to flirt in a very suddle way that drives men crazy. They know how to get what they want. Jennifer´s are very good friends."
That´s what my name means according to Urban Dictionary...what does it say about your name?
Go and check it out it´s fun, let me know if its true for you :)
I like to think of myself as a judge free type of person, and in most cases I am. Of course I have my moments that without even thinking it through I might judge someone else...but i always regret and repent. For others to judge people like its their right as if they are better than someone else..is beyond me. Clearly I don´t agree with everyone´s actions or choices but I respect them all the same (so long as its not causing harm to others.) Wouldn´t it be wonderful if we could just remain judge free? There are so many people worried about other people´s lives, and what for? Are they just bored with their own lives that they feel the need to talk crap about others? I say before pointing a finger at others, take a look at you own life.. but thats just me.
Like a caged bird,
A held back smile,
An unshed tear,
A repressed desire,
Such is me, trying to break free,
Freedom to fly high and far
Freedom to laugh as hard as I can
Freedom to cry all my unshed tears
Freedom to seek and achieve all my desires.
Such is me, trying to break free..
I will be all by myself for 3 dayssss!!!! I will not have to cater to anyone else´s needs, only my own!!!!
Big PlAnS, big PlAnS I AM sooooo SIKED!!!!!!!!! I will tell you every thing that i do in these 3 days! Just a BTW I DO LOVE my family!!!! Though I´m looking forward to some ME time =) YAY!
There will be a lot of sleeping
There will be a lot of eating
There will be a lot of watching TV
There will be a lot of surfing the net
There will be a lot of talking with friends
There will be a lot of reading
ETC, ETC!!!
